Purple people?
Posted: July 7, 2009 Filed under: Language, writing | Tags: Copywriting & Creative, misplaced modifiers, squinting modifiers 4 Comments »Adjectives and adverbs (and adverb clauses) modify other words. Simple enough, unless you put them in the wrong place. A great example of a misplaced modifier is this one from Groucho Marx: “One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas.” Of course, the rest of the joke is: “How he got into my pajamas I’ll never know.”
Much less obvious is a “squinting modifier,” a word that may modify either a word before it or a word after it in the sentence.
Brushing my teeth often is a nuisance.
Does “often” modify “brushing” or “is?”
In his famous song, Sheb Wooley sings of a “one-eyed, one-horned flying purple people eater.” Many people, sensible people, have wondered whether the word “purple” modifies “eater” or “people.” If you listen to the lyrics closely you discover the truth:
I said Mr Purple People Eater, what’s your line?
He said eating purple people, and it sure is fine
But that’s not the reason that I came to land
I wanna get a job in a rock ‘n roll band
Had “people eater” been combined to form one word–peopleeater–or perhaps hyphenated–people-eater–then you could determine that the eater was purple. But only if you could read the lyrics. Of course, the monster could very well be purple AND eat purple people. Sometimes food determines coloration. Shrimp-eating flamingos come to mind. Also, Gerber carot-eating babies.
How many times have you seen a sign such as “Old Book Shop,” or perhaps even “Ye Olde Booke Shoppe?” Is this a shop of old books or merely a book shop that is old? Likewise, I know people who describe themselves as “rare booksellers.” This is clearly not their intention. They may, indeed, be a rare breed, but what they mean is, the books they sell are rare. Better, then, to be a “seller of rare books.” Of course, this kind of stuff can drive you crazy if you let it.
I noticed on my other blog, I called the Outer Banks “a small boater’s paradise.” Could I really mean that it is a paradise for boaters who are small? Probably not. I could have avoided the possibility by simply saying “a small boat paradise.” But that takes away the human element, doesn’t it?
“The Outer Banks is a paradise for users of small boats” certainly takes away all doubt. But I don’t like it. So I have to use my own judgment and decide whether my language is confusing or not. And whether I care if someone chooses to “misread” it.
A few more modifier problems I found while browsing the internet:
The patient was referred to a psychologist with emotional problems.
Whether wearing a turtleneck or a low-cut top with a push-up bra, guys like checking out our boobs.
They bought a puppy for the girl named Fido.
Three horses were reported stolen by the Memphis police.
The point is, as a writer you can easily miss squinting or misplaced modifiers because you know what you mean. In advertising and marketing, this can lead to miscommunication, which can be merely annoying or down right detrimental. Modifiers, like low-cut tops, deserve a second glance to make sure they don’t leave the reader squinting or scratching his head. Or wondering if a purple people eater could possibly be green.
When a seasoned freelancer is your best choice
Posted: May 18, 2009 Filed under: Copywriting & Creative, writing | Tags: Advertising, Copywriting & Creative, freelance writing, hiring a freelance writer, marketing, writing 3 Comments »No matter what time of day it was, a certain wiseacre client would call me and invariably ask “Did I wake you?” Ha, ha, ha, (sigh). Little did he know (or care) that I got up at 5:30 am. He was joking, of course, but that kind of stereotypical view of freelancers is pervasive. The reality is, to be in business for yourself, raise a family, and supply them with decent shelter, food, and transportation, you’ve got to be pretty good at what you do and serious about it too.
So, in this difficult economic time when your company may be struggling, it might be worth noting that there is a solution to mediocrity, dwindling profitability, and high overhead: the seasoned freelance writer.
Here are four times when a career freelancer is your best bet for quality, speed, and affordability.
1. When you want experience and skills you couldn’t otherwise afford. The best freelancers are independent for a reason; they can make more money freelancing than they can working in a salaried position, and they have more freedom and flexibility, to boot. They’ve worked for the broadest range of clients and delved into the greatest variety of subject matter. Chances are they know how to best meet your communications objectives because they’ve been there before.
2. When you want a writer who welcomes the work. The harder a freelancer works, the more he makes. That makes for a happy worker. Throw extra work on a salaried writer and what happens? Oppression. Irritability. And if it doesn’t result in reduced productivity and lower quality, then it results in covert job searches. And, really, when you think about it, if you were going to make the same money whether you took on another project or not, wouldn’t you be tempted to work at your own comfortable pace and say, “I’m working to capacity?”
3. When you want a writer who doesn’t cost a dime. Sometimes it’s hard to know who works for whom these days. If you are looking for work to keep your salaried employees busy, then you are working for them! A freelancer requires no upkeep, no desk, no space, no benefits. You don’t have to pay him to chit-chat with co-workers, keep up on Facebook, go to the bathroom, or pick his nose. Think of all the time an employee can waste. Think of all the time YOU can waste making sure he doesn’t waste his!
You can use a freelancer only when it will be profitable for you, when there’s a budget for it, or when you can bill the time to a client. In the end, a good freelancer doesn’t cost you money; he makes you money. The ratio of “hours actually worked” to “hours paid for” is always 1:1 with a freelancer. What is it for a salaried employee?
4. When you want a lasting, long-term resource. Some people see freelancers as the option of last resort, folks who can’t get real jobs, who are unreliable and sleep until noon. I am sure this type of hippy-go-lucky writer exists. But he won’t last long. Having been in business for 23 years, I can tell you that a reliable independent writer can be found. The trick is to find a good writer with whom you can form a lasting relationship. That way he looks to you for ongoing projects, and you can look to him as a reliable source of creative services. It’s a nice symbiotic, permanent relationship. The company account stays balanced. The quality of the work is high. Deadlines are met. The boss or client is happy. And you get peace of mind. What’s that worth?
Your marketing and communications materials are like a three-legged stool supported by writing, graphic design, and production. If any one of those is weak, the whole piece collapses. A seasoned freelancer can help make sure your communications stand up and stand out.
Ifs, Ands and Buttheads
Posted: April 28, 2009 Filed under: Copywriting & Creative, Language, writing | Tags: clients, Copywriting & Creative, Elements of Style, English, grammar, Strunk and White 9 Comments »Someone once told me (a client, actually) that we call them “clients” because we can’t call them a–holes. Indelicate, to say the least, and certainly not true of my current clients:-). But I have had a few such clients in the past.
One guy hired me when I was just starting out to produce a newsletter. It turned out to be part of a pyramid, multi-level, downline scheme. He was shifty and shady and left me holding the bill for printing. He told me my writing was “full of grammatical errors.” Like what? I asked.
“You can’t start a sentence with ‘and’ or ‘but,’ he declared. Yes you can, I assured him. I have a master’s degree in English, after all, so I should know. “Well, you better go back to skewl then!” he drawled.
There are still a few people out there who don’t understand that correctness isn’t always determined by the rules for formal English you learned in “skewl.” There’s a big difference between formal English and the conversational English we use every day in our speech and which is purposely leveraged by magazine writers, advertising writers, and others who write for the general public.
Why be informal? Because that’s how you connect with people on a personal level. It provides a sense of familiarity and friendliness. It makes what you write a little more interesting and compelling and accessible and human and engaging and, well, the list goes on.
Formal, academic English has its place. But so does the sentence that starts with “and” or “but.” And the sentence that’s comfortable with the preposition it hangs out with. Not to mention the sentence your English teacher would consider “incomplete.” Like this one.
The more at ease you become with your own language, the better writer you will be. And that means not letting the ghost of your English teacher or, worse, Strunk & White, haunt you.
For the linguists and grammarians who contributed to this NY Times article, S&W’s fifty-year-old The Elements of Style, with it’s narrow vision of what writing is, has become a dinosaur and even an unwitting deterrent of writing in general.
A disservice to education, says one. The first 14 pages are still gospel truth but the rest is baloney, says another. As someone who has never liked rules very much, I savor such insubordinate clauses.
Well, I’ve got to go. A client needs me. Seems his client is being a real client, as they say.
Hire a copywriter on the front end of a project
Posted: April 17, 2009 Filed under: Copywriting & Creative | Tags: copywriter, Copywriting & Creative, editing, hiring a copywriter Leave a comment »I am often asked by clients to look at an existing copy doc and make it better. They say it needs a little “editing.” Or they ask if I could just “massage the copy a bit.” I do what I can, of course. But more times than not, it’s like Quasimodo asking me to massage out that little kink in his shoulder.
Sometimes, the copy is given to my client by his client or boss, and my client quite rightly wants it to be better. Many times, the copy has been written by someone in house who really isn’t a promotional or persuasive writer. To save a little money, I presume. Or “try their hand” at it.
They have the headline and the visual and the copy, but for some reason the copy just isn’t working out and, well, could I just take a look at it? Many times, the problem is a bad headline or the concept (or lack of one) is poor; it doesn’t really communicate what’s important or, worse, tries to be cute to the detriment of meaning. Let me tell you, a bad headline can never be fixed with good copy. In fact, a bad idea will make your copy cry out in pain, no matter which masseuse you take it to.
When clients ask me to “massage the headline,” they really need a new one. And when they ask me to “edit” a really long, poorly written document, they need a complete rewrite. Sometimes they know this, of course, but believe that calling it “editing” or “massaging,” instead of “writing,” will make it cheaper to fix. It doesn’t.
Editing for grammar is one thing. But figuring out how to make someone else’s writing logical, compelling, engaging, persuasive and smart? That’s rewriting. And nine times out of ten, this kind of “editing” takes longer than it would have had the client given me the raw information and let me write it from scratch. Even worse, the result is always a compromise.
Do yourself and me a favor. Hire me on the front end. Let me be an architect. Not a repairman.
I once saw a rough-and-tumble girls’ high school volleyball team wearing t-shirts that said, “Friends don’t let friends cheer.” Rather hurtful, I guess, to their spunky, short-skirted, undulating classmates. But I can appreciate the attitude. So if, in a moment of frustration, I tell you that your (or your client’s) attempt at concept/copy is sub-par, remember, I’m being your friend. I just want you to know that you can save money–and save face–and maybe even save a client–by hiring a good strategic, conceptual writer in the first place. Do that, and no one gets rubbed the wrong way.
A marriage
Posted: April 16, 2009 Filed under: Copywriting & Creative | Tags: Copywriting & Creative, Design, designers, teaching, University of Memphis, writing 8 Comments »I fretted for days. Ran it over and over in my head. I had been asked by a friend and colleague to speak to his class of design students at the University of Memphis about copywriting. And I was downright nervous about it.
Such a task might not be a big deal for some. For me, though, it was a little different. Back when I attended the U of M, getting my master’s degree in English and teaching freshman and sophomore classes, I dreamed of a career as a professor. But because of all sorts of issues, I chose not to follow through with a PhD.
College teaching, then, has always been the road not taken. The big shoulda woulda coulda of my life. But last night I had the opportunity to do what I have wanted to do for years, to marry the two distinct lives of my adulthood–my academic life and my professional writing life. Apart for 23 years, they came together for a couple of hours at my alma mater. And it was a good match.
I was a professor. I didn’t profess advertising. I professed the importance of writing. We talked about what writing is, what copywriting is and how copywriters and art directors work together. The students listened. Asked questions. Laughed. It was as good as I could have possibly imagined. They were wonderful. And I was grateful to my friend for giving me the opportunity to see if I still had that penchant for teaching.
I do.
Coining words for fun and profit
Posted: March 12, 2009 Filed under: Copywriting & Creative, Language | Tags: coining words, Copywriting & Creative, Facebook, Jabberwocky, Lewis Carroll, Nougativity, Snickers, words, writing 5 Comments »
New York Times
A copywriter is charged with the arduous task of arranging our relatively small shared vocabulary in new ways so that the words sound fresh, command attention and compel the reader to act. Sometimes, though, we get to play around with the 26 letters, themselves, the building blocks of communication. We get to make up words. Lewis Carroll is perhaps the most famous practitioner of this art (read it out loud so your co-workers can hear you):
JABBERWOCKY
‘Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe;
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgrabe.“Beware the Jabberwock, my son!
The jaws that bite, the claws that catch!
Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun
The frumious Bandersnatch!”He took his vorpal sword in hand:
Long time the manxome foe he sought –
So rested he by the Tumtum tree,
And stood awhile in thoughtAnd as in uffish thought he stood,
The Jabberwock, with eyes of flame,
Came whiffling through the tulgey wood,
And burbled as it came!One, two! One, two! and through and through
The vorpal blade went snicker-snack!
He left it dead, and with its head
He went galumphing back.“And hast thou slain the Jabberwock?
Come to my arms, my beamish boy!
O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!”
He chortled in his joy.‘Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe;
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgrabe.
Of course, Carroll wasn’t trying to sell anything.
The closest I every came to Jabberwocky in advertising was a radio spot I wrote forty-eleven years ago for a shopping center that featured a lot of upscale stores. I simply strung the store names together in a wild adventure story, and to do that, I took great liberty with some of them, turning them into verbs or even odd creatures. Looking back, I’m not sure how I got away with that.
Most of the time, words coined in advertising are combinations of existing words or parts of words, so that the meanings are still understood. Many company names are created this way. I have used the technique to help name companies, products and services. But it is not easy to find a combination anymore that isn’t already being used.
Not too long ago, I wrote some materials for one of International Paper’s brands, Carolina. The client wanted to exalt the paper’s versatility and utility to graphic designers, who take very seriously the choice of paper on which their work will appear, and to tap into the designer’s creative spirit and sense of personal style. Working in conjunction with ODEN, a frumious, vorpal, and infinitely talented design and marketing firm in Memphis, I came up with a new paper attribute:
YOUTILITY
It’s a fun, personal, customer-focused word to describe a paper that’s as versatile and expressive as the designer, an extension of his imagination, style, and so on. (The girl’s not half bad, either). Was it original? If you mean, did we come up with it on our own, then, yes. If you mean, were we the first to come up with the combination, then, probably not.
Regardless, it was–and still is–a fresh approach in the paper industry squarely focused on the target’s need for versatility and maximum artistic expression. And, of course, we weren’t naming a company, just establishing and defining a unique, differentiating product attribute. What other paper has youtility? In this, Carolina stands alone.
Snickers candy is doing something similar right now. They are using attributes of the candy bar to create new words that describe the taste and experience of eating a Snickers. They call their language “Snacklish.” Their website Snickers.com links you to their Facebook page where they teach you Snacklish. Words like nutliegence and chewconomy. Most of the words don’t do anything for me, although nougativity is a great one.
The use of Facebook is interesting and a good example of how marketing efforts are starting to include social media. Snickers has almost 40,000 Facebook fans, by the way. People with bad teeth, I suspect.
Wikipedia says the snack was named after the Mars family’s favorite horse. But I’m not so sure. Remember the word in the much older Jabberwocky: snicker-snack? Coincidence? Perhaps. But it just goes to show you how hard it is to come up with anything new.
Wordcracker: Solutions
Posted: March 5, 2009 Filed under: Copywriting & Creative, Language, Vocabulary, Wordcracker, writing | Tags: Advertising, business writing, Copywriting & Creative, marketing, Solutions 4 Comments »It’s everywhere, this word solutions, especially in business, advertising and marketing. And although folks are pretty fed up with it and there is discussion all over the internet about how it is overused, I’m here to tell you that solutions will remain a part of advertising communication. After all, the best answer to a customer’s problem is always going to be the solution.
The problem–and it is such a big problem that I actually had a client tell me to avoid the word entirely–isn’t so much that the word is overused. It’s that the word is misused. Too often we see the word as an end-all, as if it means something or everything all on its own:
We sell solutions!
Used in this way, the word is empty. Who doesn’t sell solutions? But more importantly, solutions to what? This is akin to saying, “We provide services!” The only difference is that a solution sounds like a service that actually works. Still, the hollowness rings.
We also see the word in a lot of company slogans and descriptive taglines:
Advanced software solutions
Okay, a little more specific. But is software the problem and you have the solution? Or do you have solutions in the form of software? If the latter, we still don’t know what problems are being solved or how anybody benefits. There’s just too much dependence on the word solutions as a substitute for more specific, concrete language.
While the examples above cry out for a ban on the word, writer’s like myself in the trenches of persuasive writing still depend on it, and I won’t give it up without a fight. Here is an example that shows what, in my opinion, is an acceptable and even advantageous use of the word:
We create crime-fighting software applications that prevent check fraud and eliminate identity theft, real solutions that can protect your bank and your customers.
Now the word solutions is out of the limelight but still helps us position the software as a product that fully solves specific problems.
Solution will always serve nicely as an alternative for other much-used words, such as service and product. But it can’t be used as substitute for substance or for the language necessary to communicate a benefit to the prospect.
Only in the presence of the problem is solution the solution.
What’s your take?
Euphemism can lead to copywriting sin
Posted: February 19, 2009 Filed under: Copywriting & Creative, Ethics, Euphemism | Tags: Advertising, Copywriting & Creative, Ethics, Euphemism, marketing Leave a comment »For a writer in advertising, marketing, or PR, euphemism is a way of life. Fat girls are full-figured. Old people are in their leisure years. Used cars are pre-owned or, as a former client preferred, “new-to-you cars.” Gambling is gaming. If you write for the White House these days, you don’t just come out and say people are hungry; you say they have low food security. If you write for a lying politician, you say that he misspoke. And baring a breast at the Super Bowl is called a wardrobe malfunction. This is nothing new. It’s as old as language itself. One of my favorites? The Civil War, once called the War of Northern Aggression throughout the South, became afterward “The Late Unpleasantness.”
Some euphemisms are meant to make exclusive things more inclusive. A Christmas tree becomes a holiday tree. Halloween parties become harvest parties. Prayer becomes a moment of silence. And we use a lot of euphemisms for the sake of politeness in a civilized society. A good many bodily functions and their euphemisms come to mind.
But when does euphemism become lie? I came across a good example recently. A camera company marketed its products as “focus-free.” Listed as a benefit, this sounds good, like fat-free, hands-free, hassle-free. In reality it is a form of Orwellian doublespeak, designed to make you think a drawback is actually a benefit. A focus-free camera is one in which the lens is fixed. The focus cannot be adjusted at all, manually or automatically. This results in many pictures that really aren’t in focus.
You could say that literally the company is telling the truth; the camera is free of focus. But the intent? To make it sound like a desirable feature. The problem for even the most conscientious, upstanding, and ethical copywriters is that we don’t always know what we’re writing about. Copywriters don’t have the time and aren’t getting paid to be investigative journalists (and certainly not to investigate the hand that feeds us). If the camera company gives us a list of benefits to include like this:
Lightweight
5 megapixel resolution
Focus-free
then we easily assume (as we are meant to) that focus-free is a good thing and we list it accordingly. Put on an exclamation point–Focus-free!–and you really have something exciting. The result, however, may be an unhappy consumer. And a loss of goodwill.
Although a copywriter is probably better than most at discerning BS when he sees it (or creates it), there are times, I am sure, when we are just as gullible as anyone else. We have to have some faith in our clients in order for them to have faith in us. So we really never know how many times we may have misled our target audience. This of course, opens up all kinds of questions.
How culpable are copywriters? Aren’t we merely wordsmiths for the messages our clients want to create? And shouldn’t we assume our clients tell the truth? Usually a copywriter doesn’t determine the facts to be conveyed. He determines how they will be conveyed subject to the approval of the client. Notwithstanding, can’t both the facts and how they are conveyed add up to an “untruth?” Is the graphic designer less culpable than the copywriter? What about the account executive? What about the magazine that publishes the ad? As an independent copywriter, I have the ability to choose my clients to some extent, and I choose them carefully, knowing full well that my work may only be as ethical as the clients I write for.
Just like the consumer, however, copywriters are often given just enough information to be dangerous. I hope in all my years of copywriting that I haven’t led people down the garden path, and if I have, I would like to apologize. My intentions have always been honorable, and if “mistakes were made,” it was only because I “miswrote.”
When skill trumps experience
Posted: February 19, 2009 Filed under: Copywriting & Creative | Tags: Advertising, Copywriting & Creative, creative, freelance writing Leave a comment »Early in my career I had a potential client call me and ask if I had any experience writing package copy. You mean like “Net Wt. 12 oz.,” I asked? I was joking, of course, and went on to say that I hadn’t but thought I surely could. She said she needed someone with experience and hung up. I think it was for a paint remover.
More recently, I was approached about writing a brochure for a private golf club here locally. “Do you play golf?” the woman asked. The simple answer was no. However, I grew up playing on a par 3 course. I have a set of clubs. I know the rules and the lingo. I know my *?# from 18 holes in the ground. But in the end she went with someone who was a real golfer. Funny, considering that since then I have worked on projects for a major corporate golf sponsorship, an international golf tournament, even several brochures for a maker of golf clubs.
So my question to you is this: do you want a golfer or do you want a writer? A good promotional writer can write about almost anything, mold the message for any medium, and all the while make you believe he lives and breathes golf. Of course, I have limits. I describe, inform, entertain, persuade, and sell. If you need highly technical writing about molecules, say, or you want a writer to write in depth about quantum physics for an audience of scientists, then hire a technical writer or a scientist. Please.
Writers, graphic designers, anybody who engages in a creative profession or, for that matter, approaches his job with some amount of creativity are, by and large, a versatile lot. That’s why it is unfortunate when they are pigeonholed. For many people, their expertise actually holds them back, keeps them doing the same old things and keeps them from getting new challenges. To be creative you need the opportunity to face new challenges. It is often a new challenge that fosters the greatest creativity.
As a freelance advertising and marketing writer, I am a generalist. I know a little about a LOT of subjects. I learn what I need to in order to make the job a success. Write what you know. That’s not the same thing as write what you’ve always known. I learn all the time, on the spot. I work hard to know what I’m talking about, and better yet, to sound like I know what I’m talking about.
My only real expertise, then, is writing, itself. And as a freelancer, I can’t afford to be a duffer.
Want to promote your business? Get over yourself.
Posted: February 19, 2009 Filed under: Copywriting & Creative | Tags: Advertising, Copywriting & Creative Leave a comment »That’s the first thing I tell a new client. Stop blah, blah, blahing about your employees’ 3,000 years of combined experience and your ability to do this and your knowledge about that and your corporate mission statement and your past successes. IT’S NOT ABOUT YOU. It’s about your prospect. What does he want? What does he need?
Instead of telling your prospect that you are great, show how you can empower him to be great. Instead of telling him how many clients you have, tell him how much business you can help him win. It’s a simple shift in thinking, outward instead of inward. And it involves knowing your prospect well, what his concerns are, what his goals are. Don’t talk in general about how you are a problem solver. Identify your prospect’s problems and offer solutions. Here’s a typical example of what I’m talking about:
A commercial real estate company that helps clients find or develop suitable office and distribution space wanted me to revamp their website copy. The original was mostly inward, about the company, in fact the headline was:
Experience. Strength. Performance.
Generic words like these are rarely compelling because they really don’t say anything. What’s the quality of the experience? How much strength? What kind of performance? There’s such a thing as poor performance, after all. And, most importantly, what do these words have to do with the prospect?
The new headline:
Ultimately, you’re not looking for a business building. You’re looking for a way to build business.
Okay, now we’re not talking about ourselves; we’re talking about the prospect, to the prospect, and at the same time showing that we understand what they really need–to be more successful. The supporting copy then reinforces the idea:
. . .we understand that you need more than distribution, manufacturing, or office space. You need better efficiency, added flexibility, a superior location, room to expand, and a whole host of other requirements that can make the difference in your success. That’s why we work hard to forge strong relationships with each of our clients, serving not merely as a landlord but as a real landlord partner. We can look beyond the usual and the ordinary to find or develop the perfect fit: a building for your business that will allow your business to build.
Sure there are plenty of “we” in this but also lots of “you.” Put the two together and you start to engage the reader one-on-one. You start a conversation. And that can lead to a relationship.
