Every once in a while, I check out the Answers section of LinkedIn and even chime in on questions about writing and advertising. One question was sort of a riddle:

“What is inappropriate with this statement in an advertising campaign: ‘A family with an autistic son.’”

There were answers ranging from “it’s an incomplete sentence,” to a more on-target response from someone whose son had Asperger’s Syndrome and thought there was nothing about it that was inappropriate.

My answer addressed what I see as the fundamental problem with the phrase, which is that the whole family doesn’t have a son, only the parents. A very good answer, in my opinion.

Soon I got an email from the questioner, who admitted that I had a point but then went on to explain “the main answer,” which was all about political correctness. “Autistic son” should have read “son with autism.” It’s about People First Language, I was admonished, putting the person ahead of the affliction.

I could argue about all that, about how an adjective doesn’t diminish the importance of the noun that it modifies. I could argue that you really need to get your language straight before you worry about how PC it is.

But the real problem for me was this. I was set up. The motive here was to educate people about People First Language, which is fine. But in the process, the questioner took a position of all-knowing superiority. He corrected me. This is not how you win friends and influence people.

As it was, only a very few people answered the question and got the “benefit” of his email. Many more, surely, read the question but chose not to answer. How many more people could he have reached had he taken a different tact? He would have served his cause better by going ahead and explaining People First Language from the start (including us in his cause rather than setting us up for failure) and then asking a legitimate question for the professionals on LinkedIn. He missed an opportunity to share and was condescending instead.

I am sure the questioner meant well and is probably a better person than I. But, unfortunately, he came across as —let me make sure I get this right—a person of arrogance.